WHAT WILL PEOPLE SAY? (The Theory of Word Dating)
Good, funny, sad, abusive, encouraging words, lots more. I hope you’re doing fine and experiencing a self-confidence boost from my last blog post. It’s good you read that one before proceeding. Having self-confidence gives you the elixir of Superman, and knowing what to do with what people will say makes you glow like Invincible Woman in the Fantastic Four. If you step outside your door and look around, your first gaze will fall on at least one person stuck doing what they’d rather not do because of the fear of what people will say. For some, they don’t have to go outside to look, just gaze at a mirror. People’s opinions; do they matter enough to keep us from living the life our dreams?
It’s really dicey. ‘What people will say’ follows a particular sequence: from already laid down norms to criticisms, then labelling a thing or a person with names. A norm refers to something that is usual, typical, standard and expected. Criticism expresses disapproval of someone or something on the basis of perceived faults or mistakes. People will most likely talk when they see or even perceive something opposed to the usual. It’s the case sometimes; people talk out of their concern for us, but not in all instances. How then do we figure out who means well or doesn’t?
Talking is one activity of man, look at it that way. And it means very little until we process what people say and understand it. What people say isn’t always derogatory. Let’s use a familiar example, once upon a time (say time time…good) a young man once summoned the courage to talk to a certain beautiful and graceful lady. So slippery were his words that she had no option other than walk down the aisle with him and later on, they both gave rise to the human looking at this screen right now. You see! What people say is important, and what they will say is even more dear, if only you know what to do with their words. You don’t have to go down the aisle with whatever you hear, do you? Therefore, “do whatever makes you happy and don’t give a f*ck about what anybody thinks or says,” nah, I’m not saying that either.
Date what people say. Yes, you read right. Dating is a period when two individuals get to know and understand and grow the love, they have for themselves. And a process of discovering whether they ought to end up together. In dating, you discover whether the prospective partner is meant for you or not. Treat words that way. Our ego often makes us think that we’re right most of the time. Our feeling brain yearns to exhale a breath of gratification after we follow our own will. It ends with regret most times. Give the words of your neighbour calling you a harlot for piercing your nose a chance.
Before being moved by what people say, ask yourself a few questions. (That’s what y’all do on dates right?) First off, who is talking? Do they matter enough? You can’t afford to get bothered about a random stranger’s opinion about your life, someone who has no exact role in your life. The next question requires more clarity of thoughts. What is the person’s intention behind his comment or opinion? It could be out of envy, anger, love, fear, and even surprise. Also, if it is a criticism, is the person ready to help you solve the issue? The answers to these questions should proceed from deep reflection and a sincere desire to seek the truth. After considering all people will say or are saying, the big and most important question remains; what are you saying? Breathe in. Let’s continue. Because, what you say matters a great deal. If you haven’t figured out yet, the whole point of fighting my writer’s block and weeks of procrastination is for those who are cringing because of the fear of what people will say about their actions or decision. The suspense that the future holds makes life thrilling. We don’t know why we’re here or what we should be or would be in the future, but we just take steps and hope we make the right choices. Looking forward, we can’t figure life out, but when we look backward, it all makes sense. Standing at a place is bad, but not as standing where you’ll rather not. That’s death. Because you’ll be living for the people around you, not for yourself.
Weigh what you say side by side with what people will say. Be humble enough to ask yourself, “what if I’m wrong?” “Maybe they are right.” Just give room for evaluation of both your opinion and those of others. If you realize that the people are right, that’s okay! And if you feel you’re right, regardless of what people will say, follow your heart. Trust that it will all work out fine. You have to trust in something; your guts, God, karma, destiny, life, something. According to Steve Job, “Almost everything – all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure – these things just fall away in the face of death, leaving only what is truly important. Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.” Regret is worse than failure. People will talk about you no matter what, but no one is thinking about you every hour of the day, let alone gossip for that long. But you’re with yourself 24 hours a day all year long. If you don’t make yourself happy, who will? (I will) Get out of your self-imposed slavery today and accept word dates! I’m sure you’d love to know what I trust in making my decisions in life, that’s a post for another day. Till then, tell your neighbour your future isn’t pierced yet!